I've had a few questions on Instagram regarding the difference between an "Alpha Male" and…
I’ve spoken to a fair few guys over the past couple of months, and it’s fair to say there are some troubled men out there. These guys can range from randomers to casual acquaintances, to in some cases, close friends. But there’s a lot of them who are having routine problems, and it’s getting them down. But I don’t see this negativity as being helpful or constructive.
I also have problems. I think we all have some level of problems to some degree. But there’s a huge difference. The difference is in the way I view problems and the way I deal with them. I don’t understand people who don’t take any action to alleviate their problems or to solve them. Instead of solving problems, some people love to wallow in their misery. I don’t get it.
I wish I could find a way to instil my mindset into people who need help sometimes, but I realise it isn’t that easy. Today, I’m going to try to change the way you view challenges in your life.
Problems with women, money and fitness seem to be the most common ones. I will ignore the second one, as I’m not yet qualified to give advice on that. Let’s look at the other two.
I will always remember a work colleague of mine confiding in me about his relationship issues. It was just him and myself, driving in the company car to the airport. He was recently divorced, and by the sounds of it, was going through absolute hell. It didn’t sound pretty at all. I’m talking massive financial problems, legal hassle, and his ex-wife wasn’t allowing him to see his kids, which from what I gathered, was actually the most painful part for him. She legally had all the power and held all the cards. He literally wasn’t able to see them.
To rub salt into the wound, she was hooking up with a work colleague about half her age during this entire ordeal. Not only this, but all three of them worked for the same company. Brutal.
Anyway, there was understandably a lot of negativity. He hated women, didn’t want anything to do with them again, and vowed out of the game completely. This is where we have a problem. Failing is a part of the game. Sometimes it’s fun, as you know exactly where you fucked up, you didn’t really lose out on anything, and you know exactly what you need to do next time to succeed. But sometimes it’s life-changing, like the example above.
But, the answer is not to just quit. The answer is to take a little time out, reflect, and improve. You must improve. You must be better than her, better than the younger guy and better than your old self. Improve. This is the difference between the “Alpha” mindset, and the “Beta” mindset. One keeps going, and eventually conquers. The other quits and eventually dies.
Another common problem; fitness. I know plenty of guys, one or two of them being good friends, who constantly moan about how they’re not progressing in the gym, or that they’re too scared to take their shirts off at the beach, or they’re feeling threatened by other guys etc. All moan, no action.
There were about seven of us, all good friends, on holiday on a Greek island. Now, bear in mind that this was August and it was 37 degrees celcius (98.6 F). All of us were playing football on the beach. Having a great time. One guy in our group absolutely refused to take his t-shirt off…because he was too embarrassed. He was embarrassed by his “girly” physique. He claimed it was because he had “shitty” genetics. But I knew better.
Every January he made a resolution to gain muscle. But every time he step foot in the gym, he felt inferior to everyone else, didn’t want to compete and gave up, never to re-enter the gym for another year. He refused to go to the gym. Then claimed it was all down to genetics. Not good enough. The way I see both of the above problems is that you either wallow in your misery/shame forever, or you fight to improve. Improve against yourself most importantly, but everyone else too.
3 Alpha Male Changes
Okay, let’s get to the 3 behaviours that will resolve these issues, making you rise to a new level above those of your current set of problems.
Number 1 – Have A Life Mission
Having a life mission will make any problem you have in life less painful. Your priority is your mission, you stand by it until the day you die, and temporary pain is just a minor distraction. When it’s genuinely your priority, you aren’t swayed if (when) you get dumped. You aren’t bothered if other guys are out-performing you in the gym. At least not as much as you would be if you didn’t have a mission. A mission is a form of internal self-improvement, and it continues forever.
Number 2 – Improve Your Appearance
Another form of improvement is to improve the external – your appearance. People who look better get treated better. They have less overall problems. Now, I realise there’s a lot of advice out there to “just lift and eat”, but I don’t think that’s entirely helpful. A lot of guys do need to “just lift”. But, you have to remember, that since a lot of guys are doing this (mainly) to get women, there is more to it. Lowering your bodyfat % has a greater impact on your sex appeal than increasing muscle if you are greater than 15% body fat. There are a lot of guys who “just lift” but have puffy faces and non-narrow waists. You need to be fairly chiseled.
Number 3 – Improve Your Social Skills
This alone will improve your results with women significantly, but will also make you a higher value man to other men. You will be far more attuned to people’s wants, be far sharper in conversations and quicker to notice underlying messages, shifts in body language, other non-verbal cues etc. Very important.
If you do the above 3, you will look back at your current problems and laugh. You will be so far ahead, no one will be able to stop you.
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