I've spoken to a fair few guys over the past couple of months, and…
Hypergamy is a big topic that a lot of men worry about in the ‘manosphere’, with a large group even going their own way (MGTOW) and writing women off entirely.
This is unnecessary, and I encourage those men to read this article to find out why.
While they’re not wrong in their analysis of the problem – women do indeed dump men far more than men dump women, initiate 80% of divorces which completely annihilate families and men’s entire lives, and ruthlessly ‘trade up’ at the drop of a hat, I don’t agree with the MGTOW solution.
I’m going to give you the best solution below. But first…
What Is The Hypergamy Definition?
Rollo Tomassi was the first to define hypergamy. He talks a lot about women’s sexual strategy being ‘Alpha F**ks, Beta Bucks’. The ‘Alpha Guy’ being good for short-term, quick, ‘hawt’ sex, the ‘Beta Guy’ being the long-term provider.
The alpha enjoys a lot of easy sex with a lot of women, and they all require little to no investment. The beta meanwhile, has very limited options when it comes to sex. If he does get ‘lucky’, it’s because he invested a lot either financially or emotionally.
His hypergamy definition, and his model looks something like this:
I wonder which guy they’d rather sleep with?
I think that while this image summarises the psychological differences between the two men (and the physical ones too), the ‘bucks’ thing isn’t accurate, as it implies that money = beta.
“Alpha Seed, Beta Need” is probably a lot more accurate when it comes to Rollo’s model of hypergamy and women’s sexual strategy.
Let’s look at another hypergamy definition.
Wikipedia has given the following (limited) definition:
“Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up”, occasionally referred to as “higher-gamy”) is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves.”
While this is true, in reality there’s a lot more to it.
It’s not just with marriage, you also see this in virtually any sexual relationship. With younger women, they want a guy who is higher status that them (and they’re certainly not even close to being married). Quite often this will come from a young mans looks.
Once women get into their 30s and beyond, they still want a guy who is higher status than them ideally, and this is usually predicted by money/career/lifestyle.
Not only is this with all ages of women, it also applies across all relationship types as well. From marriage, to girlfriend/boyfriend, to fuck buddies, women simply want men who are better than them in some way.
The Problem With Alpha F**ks, Beta Bucks Hypergamy Definition
The reality is that money itself is not beta.
It only becomes beta if the man is spending loads of it in order to ‘have a chance’ at getting laid, using a non-powerful frame.
What does this mean exactly?
If a man pays for 7 expensive dinner dates before she even gives him a kiss, he’s a beta. Promising to do X, Y & Z before she agrees to go back to his apartment/house, would be beta behaviour. If he complies with her demands and buys her stuff, or drives 3 hours to pick her up before she’s done anything for him, he’s a beta.
Investing heavily pre-sex, is what’s beta. Being rich is not beta if you refuse to invest heavily until she does first.
Another example of where money is not beta, is that it almost becomes a requirement if you’re going to chase after the highest status women in society. Famous actresses, Instagram models with 3 million followers, female athletes etc.
They simply have attractive, powerful billionaires chasing after them, so why would they accept the guy with so much less? It CAN happen if you’re extremely good looking and in the right place at the right time, but it would only ever be casual/a ONS.
Yet another example of where leveraging money could be contextually very alpha, would be if you took her for an expensive drinks date in YOUR restaurant, where you have tons of influence and social proof.
Everyone knows who you are, other tables have to move to make way for you etc.- all of this is very impressive to a woman on a first date, and it’s purely due to money.
In this social environment you would be at the top of the food chain, which is VERY alpha:
But Doesn’t Hypergamy Apply To Men Too??
No, hypergamy is women’s mating strategy.
Men simply want to:
A) Spread the seed with as many attractive-enough women as possible
B) Ensure that his favourites/favourite are/is loyal only to him
That is not the same as “I want the highest status man I can possibly hope to get.” The two things are very different. Think of it as quality vs quantity, to some extent.
Hypergamy & The Sexual Marketplace
Sex only takes place when women want it to, as women are the gatekeepers to sex, and men are the gatekeepers to commitment (at least biologically). Therefore generally speaking, womens’ desires control the sexual marketplace.
As Briffault’s Law suggests:
“The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”
And since women control the sexual marketplace, you will find that the sexual marketplace rewards the men in the top 10% or so. The top 10% being somewhat dependent on the type of women in question and their desires, and also the context and the particular environment women find themselves in.
The Sexual Marketplace Is Contextual
Women who have zero financial concerns, are going to be more concerned with finding a guy who’s top 10% in terms of good looks (make sure you’re close to 10% body fat!), muscularity and confidence. If you are chasing women who are highly concerned about a man’s physical appearance (which is 99% of hot women under the age of about 32-36), then you must looksmax.
Whereas women who want to settle down with a more secure guy, are going to value a guy who’s top 10% in terms of money and confidence, but also has the desire for kids, and has emotional investment in her. If you’re chasing women who are looking to settle down (most women over 30 or so), then you must moneymax (please read my article on male sexual market value).
ALL of them are going to want a guy who is high status, but the status thing can get tricky to define and is very contextual.
Social Status Is Not What You Think
Status is not your job title, your position, or even how much money you make (although these things can help). But rather, what other hot women respond to sexually, and what high value men look up to and respect. THAT is social status, and there are many potential avenues to achieving and maintaining status.
A lot of socially-incompetent writers on the internet don’t seem to understand this. Money is not the same thing as social status, and the ultimate status symbol (to women) is having other hot women chasing your attention in public, for everyone to see. This has nothing to do with money.
Being in the top 10% of men makes your life much easier, but it does not guarantee status in any given context.
But here’s a huge way that being in the top 10% makes your life easier:
The power shifts from the female to the male very quickly. Usually as soon as you start sleeping with her. If you’re in the top 10%, you will have relationships built on your terms with ease, as long as you don’t screw up and have terrible game.
Men who are in the top 0.01% have the power right from the word ‘go’, before they’re even aware that the girl in question exists. These guys, as you may have guessed, are extremely high status celebrities.
Let me highlight that these celebs are not the wealthiest men on the planet, nor are they always the best looking (I personally know fitness models who are better looking than virtually any celeb). The reason they’re in the top 0.01% is not because of looks or money, it’s STATUS and extreme levels of social proof.
Hopefully you can see just how important status is in the sexual marketplace.
(You’ll definitely want to check out Male Extra if you’re looking for a sexual performance boost inside the bedroom, and to prevent her from wanting to jump ship. It’s a potent blood flow enhancer, stamina enhancer, and ED solution. You need the right mindset/knowledge first. But if you combine that with Male Extra, you’re going to have a massive edge over other guys.)
Women & Open Hypergamy
So what is ‘Open Hypergamy?’
Once again this was termed by Rollo Tomassi. But it’s the increasingly obvious ways in which women pursue their ‘Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks’ sexual strategy.
This Open Hypergamy strategy is to settle down with the beta guy and pop out a couple of kids, then sleep with alphas on the side when she feels like it, cuckolding the father.
I agree that this is more and more common nowadays, and women seemingly don’t even care about judgement from society anymore as they’re praised no matter what they do. But I disagree that this is their primary sexual strategy.
Women aren’t ‘evil’ and they definitely don’t think ahead (I wish they did). Very rarely does your typical woman plan for the long-term. She’s usually controlled by her immediate feelings.
She does not plan to cheat on her beta husband, but it often ends up happening anyway. This only happens however, because she has found another sexual option who is higher status and/or a better overall option for her. Hypergamy, in other words.
I do believe though, that the female ideal looks a little different, and what she really wants is ONE GUY who will satisfy her hypergamy, and prevent her from wanting to cheat in the first place.
Women’s Primary Sexual Strategy
Women’s primary strategy is to lockdown the highest value guy she can get, and then have this man meets all her needs sexually, financially and emotionally. This is the female fantasy.
Women’s back up plan, is to settle for the AF/BB if she fails to lock down a higher value guy (which most do fail for one reason or another). She can get away with this ‘open hypergamy’ approach in our super-permissive society.
So here’s what NOT to do in regards to hypergamy – be the ‘Beta Bucks’ guy. No matter what you do, don’t be him. Even MGTOW is FAR > Mr. Beta Bucks Cuckold.
Will Your Hypergamous Woman Cheat On You?
Again, no other writer online seems to really understand why women cheat.
YES, the underlying drive is hypergamy.
OF COURSE, betas who are with an Alpha Widow are much more likely to get cucked than alphas.
1000%, if she’s really young she’s less likely to be loyal than if she’s 48.
But they’re all missing the biggest factor, which is her environment. If her environment is bad, you could be a rich, good-looking alpha, and she could be 41, and you could still get cheated on.
Being a rich alpha isn’t going to save you when she’s 5 drinks down, drunk as a skunk, and all of her friends are egging her on to kiss the ‘hawt DJ guy’ who’s been hitting on her at the bar.
Yes these environments don’t tend to materialise very often for a woman who’s with a rich alpha, but they can and DO happen. Because the environment is the key factor for determining loyalty, all the other factors are secondary.
If your woman’s environment sucks and she’s constantly interacting with other men all the time, it’s simply a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. She WILL become disloyal at some point (either through cheating or through breaking up with you), it’s just a matter of when.
Is Hypergamy to blame? I think partly, but hypergamy wouldn’t be an issue if she was living a loyal lifestyle, and was in a relationship with a man she looked up to.
What You Should Do About Hypergamy
If it wasn’t clear by now, let’s get into the solutions specifically, starting from worst and ending with the best.
- Become a beta male cuckold
- Go MGTOW and swear off women forever
- Be a player for as long as possible and stay away from commitment because you fear cuckoldry, but then eventually settle and end up getting cheated on (although you will also cheat as well)
- Go MGTOW temporarily, while you build yourself up to the top 10% of the SMP, and refuse to get into relationships with women who won’t live a loyal lifestyle
- Be a player for a few years, while you build yourself up to the top 10% of the SMP. Refuse to get into relationships with women who won’t live a loyal lifestyle
- Choose whatever lifestyle you want, while you build yourself into the top 1% of the SMP, and refuse to get into relationships with women who won’t live a loyal lifestyle
- Choose whatever lifestyle you want, while you build yourself into the top 0.1% of the SMP, and refuse to get into relationships with women who won’t live a loyal lifestyle
Notice how I didn’t include the celebrity status of the top 0.01? Yep, these guys do not have relationship freedom, nor do they have privacy, nor do they have loyal women. You can go too far with this stuff.
The top 10% guy would be sub-12% body fat and jacked, earning >$75k per year (if he’s over 25), and would be a higher ranking male in his immediate social circles. Confidence will simply come as a result of all this.
I believe this is your best route as a man, and this is how hypergamy becomes your friend, rather than something you fear.
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