I've had a few questions on Instagram regarding the difference between an "Alpha Male" and…
Are You With An Alpha Widow?
Does your girlfriend sometimes talk about an ex boyfriend?
Or perhaps she constantly complains that she’s ‘bored’, or seems generally dissatisfied.
This is a common occurrence in the modern world, and you may well be dating an Alpha Widow.
What Is An Alpha Widow?
This term was first coined by Rollo Tomassi, but I’m going to give you some more practical applications in this article, and then crucially, what to do about this problem (which he unfortunately leaves out in a lot of his content).
An Alpha Widow is a woman who failed to lock down her ‘ideal man’ in the past, and still pines for him later on, often many years later.
She may have a new boyfriend now, or even be married with kids. But that doesn’t change the fact that she still sees some man in her past as her ‘Hypergamous Ideal’.
These women will settle for another guy later on, but they will never give him their best, because she doesn’t view him as being her best option. Her expectations are permanently shifted upwards because of the guy in the past.
A relatively extreme example of a couple I’ve seen – she is an Alpha Widow, who had a brief relationship with a good looking, famous musician, but then settled down later for an accountant. That woman will never be satisfied by the accountant, and will always pine for the famous guy to some extent.
(By the way, this is all contextual and perception-based within her mind. It’s not about what YOU see as Alpha, it’s about what SHE sees as Alpha).
So this is why all this is so important…
Why Is This Important For You?
Well, the reality is that an Alpha Widow is never going to be loyal to YOU (long-term), or give you exactly what you want in a relationship. It’s impossible because she doesn’t have extreme levels of respect for you.
A survey by Mens Health concluded that ~70% of women still lust after other people, despite being in a relationship. You can question the source all you like, but those numbers sound about accurate in my experience.
So yes, a lot of men are affected by this.
Some specific examples of problems with Alpha Widows:
- She will never have extreme levels of desire for you
- She will never give you the best sex that she’s given to guys in the past
- She will give you bitchy behaviour, and will treat you with relative contempt
- She will expect you to do things for her, rather than the other way round
- She will demand far more of your time and attention that she would of other men
- She will give you far more drama than the previous guy, and will also make a habit of nagging you to do X, Y and Z, all of which are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things for a busy man who’s getting jacked & making bank
So essentially, your entire relationship will be FAR worse than it could have been.
Anyway, let’s get into the four signs to keep an eye out for, to see whether or not your girl is an Alpha Widow.
The 4 Signs She’s Been Alpha Widowed
Starting with the most blatant show of disloyalty:
#1. An Alpha Widow Refuses To Cut Contact With Her Ex
This one should be pretty obvious.
You’ve got to learn to sift through the bullshit words, and get straight to the bottom line – her actions. It doesn’t matter what she says:
“But you’re the love of my life now!”
“Why are you making this such a big deal?! God you’re being so insecure!”
“I just think you’re trying to control me”
“We’re just friends now – you’ve got nothing to worry about. We both agreed that we’re friends and we agreed that nothing would ever happen again!”
It’s all irrelevant. You have to ask yourself “Is she willing to cut contact with her ex boyfriend, YES or NO?” If the answer is no, then she’s an Alpha Widow.
Action is all that matters, and this is how you test women, to see if they’re relationship material or not.
I know this seems almost too simple and too logical, but if she’s still in contact with her ex, she still wants something from her ex that she’s not getting from you.
“Friendship” is not a legitimate thing, because what this really means is attention, validation, sex, love, companionship or whatever it is she’s looking to gain from that relationship.
And you as the boyfriend are already offering all of these, and clearly it still isn’t enough for the Alpha Widow. She still wants the attention of other men outside of you or her family.
#2. An Alpha Widow Withholds Sex
Look, the reality is that women naturally become very attached to the man that they’re currently having sex with on a consistent basis.
They can’t help it – it’s biology.
When they become attached, they also become very loyal and are often incredibly protective of their man and treat him very well.
The problem is that if she’s NOT having sex with you, then she’s not going to be loyal to you. Now I’m not saying that this happens right away, but over the long run, a woman who’s not having sex with her man is going to be disloyal at some point.
Do you think she would be ‘too tired’ to have sex with Channing Tatum or her favourite rapper? Do you think she would be ‘too bloated’ to have sex with the guy who Alpha Widowed her?
No, these are simply convenient excuses for the man that she’s settled with. If your girl is refusing sex, it’s pretty much guaranteed that she sees other men as above you, including her ex boyfriend.
(You’ll definitely want to check out Male Extra if you’re looking for a sexual performance boost inside the bedroom).
#3. Alpha Widows Never Try To Please You
Or worse, she actively demands that you do things for her, on a regular basis (and the two go hand in hand).
But a woman who literally never tries to cook nice food for you, bake for you, do things in the bedroom specifically for your pleasure, or surprise you with gifts, is not a woman who’s working hard to keep you, and is not a woman worth being in a serious relationship with.
It’s a serious commitment of your time, energy and money, it’s the least she could do.
But instead, an Alpha Widow will demand EVEN MORE of your time, energy and money, and that you do things to please her instead of it being the other way round.
Her investment is far lower than your investment, and this is not what you want.
There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for your girl, but the fact that she feels comfortable enough to demand them, is the big giveaway that there’s something really wrong.
She views you as inferior to the guy that Alpha Widowed her.
#4. Alpha Widows Says They’re Bored Or Unhappy
This is classic ‘female language’ that translates 100% into – “I’m bored of you, and I’m not excited by the prospect of carrying your genes into the next generation.”
(One of the best responses to this is “Oh you’re bored? Actually so am I. You know what, I’ll head off to see some friends, speak later.” (drives off…..))
I’ve seen this “I’m unhappy” scenario play out in marriages over and over again. The man (logically) thinks “Oh if I just communicate more and try to understand more, then we can get to the root of the problem.”
The problem is that there is no root.
It’s just an endless pit of negative feelings, that are not solved by words, only through action. Action that demonstrates that you are above her, and you are above the Alpha Widower (the ex boyfriend).
It’s the ONLY solution, but men never seem to figure it out.
The reality is that this girl was never ‘bored’ or ‘unhappy’ with her ex, so there’s no reason she should be with you either. She is 100% an Alpha Widow if she says this.
(You should also check out Testogen if you’re looking to for the best science-backed supplement on the market, for testosterone boosting).
How To Deal With An Alpha Widow
Let me begin by looking at the type of relationship first.
If it’s just something casual, you probably won’t care, and nor should you. But the reality is that you wouldn’t be reading this article in the first place if that was the case.
If it’s something more serious, your only solution comes in two flavours:
- You do this alone (single) and you dump her
- You do this while you stay with her (more difficult to achieve if she demands loads of your time)
I recommend #1, but either way can work. Here’s what you do:
- Increase your SMV (Sexual Market Value) significantly, by getting down to a muscular 10% body fat, living a better lifestyle, and building social status
- Semen retention
- Ramp up your testosterone levels significantly (these are the best natural supplements that actually boost testosterone, if you measure your levels before and after)
- Learn pimp game
Why do you need to do all this work?
Because if you’re with an Alpha Widow right now, then she sees you as less valuable than the other guy. You can’t accept this, and need to beat the competition. The above four methods are the main ways in which to achieve this.
Your SMV is your core value as a man – your looks, money and social status. These things all improve your confidence, and so too does semen retention, testosterone boosting, getting your health supplements on point. etc. Pimp game essentially is relationship game, that gets women to start treating you better.
But to be honest, the game stuff becomes a lot easier for a man who benches 300 pounds at 8% body fat, makes $400k a year, and lives an amazing lifestyle.
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